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Some time ago I was speaking to a young lady through an IM program. No really, stop laughing. Ok, at least her profile online said she was a lady but who can say for sure. Anyway, we had spoken a few times and I was under the impression that we were getting on well. That's why it took me completely by surprise when she took issue with something I said.
Now normally it doesn't really surprise me when someone takes issue with something I say. I have a lot of opinions and love discussing them with all kinds of people whether they agree with me or not. Sometimes I change their minds sometimes they change mine, sometimes we just have a good discussion.
Unfortunately, it has been my experience that reasoned debate is a dying art at best where most people substitute their various prejudices and irrational emotional knee jerk reactions for logic. Think about it. When was the last time you witnessed anyone debate ideas using objective verifiable logic rather that invoking subjective emotional poorly thought out reactions? When was the last time you saw a debate where the participants could point out the actual logic they used to reach a conclusion? When was the last time someone had a reason for believing something other than "because"? Been a while, huh? Me too
Even so, the average human reacts to having one's opinion challenged with hostility and more often than not unjustified arrogance. And I can understand that in a way. It goes back to basic instinct that people haven't generally bothered to overcome. Any challenge is a danger to the organism and as an extension of that, the species.
That having been said, what she took issue with was not an issue or concept that I put forth for debate. It was with a single word. Not even the context in which word was used, but the word itself. Truth be told, it was not even a full word but a casual abbreviation. What was the word?
A little background on me first:
If I dislike you it is because I dislike your actions, not some random arrangement of chromosomes that you had nothing to do with. If I think you stupid, again, it is because of some action or tendency that I have observed, not the aforementioned arrangement of chromosomes. If I dislike you it is because of you or my mistaken concept of you, nothing random to it.
Second, I am from the south. There is a lot of prejudice that against southerners. The south is just like any area of the world that is inhabited by the human race. We have an over-abundance of the profoundly stupid. As I say, this condition is not unique to any one region. What is unique to each area is a manner or style of speech. In my particular case, I have never really had a strong accent save when I am upset or very tried. What I do have is the habit of addressing people with terms of endearment especially, but not exclusively, when addressing females.
This is not due to some belief that women are inferior in some way, it is simply a pattern of speech I have picked up over the years. I also have a great affection for women as I tend, in general, to get along with them easier.
My particular verbal crime with this young lady was addressing her as "hon". As I said, I address most women in this fashion or some variation there of. On occasion, for whatever reason, a lady will ask me not to because it makes them uncomfortable or they just don't like it. This is fine, in those cases I apologize, explain it is a habit and assure them that in the future I will try to remember not to address them as such.
The thing that got to me in this case was when I did just that she told me that it was a bad habit and the word is derogatory no matter how I intended it. This struck me as both close-minded and poorly thought-out. This was someone who wanted to be "right" whether or not she was actually correct.
I again tried to explain that I meant no disrespect she informed me that it was the word itself that was disrespectful and that I was disrespectful for using it. I reminded her that English was a living language and as such, while there were general meanings for words, there were also contextual ones. As example I pointed out that I frequently refer to my friends as "fucker" with no disrespect intended or taken. Her response was that I was still being disrespectful and the conversation abruptly stopped and I have yet to hear from her since.
If this was an isolated incident I wouldn't have felt the need to write a long-winded blog about it but sadly it is not. I lost a few potential friends due to using the "wrong" words. People tend to cling the our various prejudices with a vice-like grip that protects us from having to think for ourselves.
Hopefully one day, we, as a species, will overcome this tendency. It served us well when we were learning to stand erect but it has outlived it's usefulness long ago. And to all my friends, yes, I do have one or two, you are still all fuckers.
Rant over... for now |
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