For Shame

I used to be ashamed and in some ways I still am.  I suffer from bipolar disorder.  Intellectually, I know that being ashamed because you have a disease is ridiculous.  You don't see many folks running around beating themselves up because they are anemic.  But a mental disease is something else, isn't it?  It is the dirty little secret that we try to hide, sweep it under the rug and hope that no one notices.  Everyone knows that if you have any sort of mental illness, you are just crazy, right?   It is just a weakness of character, right?  You know you don't waste your time with one of "those" people.  There is just too much "drama".  You fit in this box and that is who and what you are, no variation, no worthwhile person could possibly be there.  You have been identified, labeled and file away.  Why bother, right?

Stephen Fry made an excellent comparison between bipolar disorder and the weather.  You can no more control when, where or how bipolar effects you than you can make it stop raining.  You didn't make it rain, it rained because it rained.  Pretend that it isn't raining and guess what it will be still be doing. 

It is a disease and no amount of "positive thinking" will make it go away.  Don't get me wrong, positive thinking is great and has its place but during a down episode it is nigh-impossible.  The ups, while lovely, can be difficult to deal with and understand for those around you.  There are different types of bipolar that can effect different sufferers differently which ads to the notion that it is not a "real" disease.

I have been told many times that I just need "a good swift kick in the ass".  You know, because the reason I have this disease is because I am lazy.  Neat trick, huh?  One of my favorites is: "You should be happy, you know a lot of other people have it worse than you".  You know who are comforted by that thought?  Sociopaths.  I wonder if the people who say things like this with a straight face look at people in wheelchairs and say: "You should really just walk it off".

I am not proud that I am bipolar.  It is a disease and I am sorry anyone has to have it.  There is medication that I take to function.  It frightens people and can take a little more effort to understand but you would be amazed at what you might find.  There is still shame, but I will not be ashamed